After DHMO-Related Accident, Kerry calls for Ban

After repeated slips on the ski slopes of Iowa cause Democratic Presidential Hopeful and snowboarder extraordinaire John Kerry to lose his world reknowned composure and curse, Kerry sought an answer to explain how a superior person such as he could have fallen down on the slopes. He found the answer he sought at an environmental activist site.

What is this activist site actively active against? A chemical compound with the little known name DiHydrogenMonOxide or DHMO for short. The Senator from Massachussets had this to say.

I believe this DHMO stuff is so prevalent that my snow board pressed it out off the snow, decreasing friction, causing me to fall. If DHMO leeching out can cause a world class snowboarding expert like me to fall, one can only imagine the damage that any of you lesser sons of [BLEEP]s would be subjected to. We gotta ban this stuff. It's contributing to greenhouse warming, causing erosion and it's actually causes many injuries and deaths annually. Why can't we have a president that cares about these things? The answer? You and I both know we don't....But we CAN...and we WILL.

I care...about my own safety and in some small measure yours as well. And I won't ask anyone to be the last one to die because of DHMO, I'm gonna ban it.

The movement to ban DHMO has been ongoing since 1997. The City of Aliso Viejo, California has reportedly made inroads to outlaw DHMO use there.

This Fake News story brought to you by the word Gullible. Remember friends, the word 'gullible' isn't in the dictionary, not in mine anyway since I marked it out.