Rex Hammock meets the POTUS

Maybe I dont get out much but I've never read this guy before today.

But freak!

You gotta read this. He got to meet W! And wrote very eloquently about it to boot.

My favorite part?

If George W. Bush could spend 25 minutes chatting with everybody in America like he did with me and five other folks today, he would win any election by a landslide.

Bush `Troubled` by Necrophi1iac Marriage Issue, Kerry `Confused`

Bush 'Troubled' by Necrophi1iac Marriage Issue
Washington - President Bush said Wednesday he was troubled by weddings between the living and the dead in Kansas City and by legal decisions in Iowa that could clear the way for necrophi1iac marriage. "

"I have watched carefully what's happening in Kansas City, where licenses were being issued, even though Missouri law states otherwise," Bush said. "I have consistently stated that I'll support law to protect marriage between one living man and one living woman who are not descended from one another and farm animals, farm implements nor the dead should be involved either. Obviously these events are influencing my decision."

He didn't answer to say if he was nearer to giving support of a constitutional ammendment to forbid necrophi1iac marriages, as conservative groups say the White House has assured them the president will do.

Presidential Hopeful Sen. John Kerry expressed support for those who choose the necriphi1iac lifestyle, but said he thought the issue of marriages between the living and the dead should in the perogitive of the individual states. "Really, I'm confused, who's being harmed here? I mean, they aren't going to get any deader are they?", Kerry deadpanned.

This fake news story brought to you by France. Remember friends, French people say "American, you want marry dead person? No? Come to France."

Truthlation of "A Message from Governor Dean"

Since I hear Dean was finally bugging out, bailing and ditching his quest for galactic empire. I thought I would see what the Dean for America blog was saying, if anything, at this late date. I found A Message from Governor Dean But there were some just plain bs misleading or delusional statements so I, in the public interest, did a Truthlation of the message.

Truthlation? Mwhuh?, you say? Well, mwhuh indeed.

In case you are wondering what the freak a truthlation is, a Truthlation is similar to a fisking. Instead of a stinging rebuttal following the quote, what follows is the translation to truth*, saying what the person would have said if they were being more forthcoming and honest, even to themselves. Hence Truthlation. (Look ma, I coined a phrase.)

Truthlation('A Message from Governor Dean')

Governor Dean sent the following message to supporters tonight.

Ex-Governor Dean sent the following message, after the original message was reviewed to ensure any 'Captain Insano routine' bits were deleted, to supporters tonight.

You folks are the best!

You folks are the best bunch of losers to ever help me lose a campaign!

I hope you will all keep active both in our new enterprise as we develop it, but also in the short term.

I hope you let me finish ruining your lives, you're all fairly young and I think I can make a few more bucks off you yet.

We can still send delegates to the convention, and we should.

We're not through losing here. Our defeat has just begun! The crushing blow of death still looms ahead! Our defeat will be final and while maybe not not fatal, perhaps maimal, is that a word, when it comes and it should.

If you are in a state with district, and state conventions, please make sure everyone goes, so that we send all the delegates we are entitled to.

Ok I'm begging now, I have got just a few bucks left. Go work and support my losing cause but now with no campaign ads.

If you are in a state that has not yet voted, be sure to vote. We'll have a great time at the convention.

If you are in a state that has not yet voted, still vote, for me. At the convention, I'm buying iced mocha latte`s with a dash of cinnamon for everyone, with your own donations! And By the way I do this great insane guy impression. Oh, you've seen it.

Thank you all for how hard you have worked, how much money you raised.

Thank you for all the, now meaningless, help you provided in my defeat, really. and thanks for all the nickel amd dime donations too.

And thanks for getting involved.

Thanks for nothing.

It feels a h*ll of a lot better to try and lose, than not to try at all.

Hahaha Hillary, how many democratic presidential nominations have YOU lost? I'm king of the WORLD, Wahoo!

In any case I have to say that I don't really feel like we have lost.

In any case I have to say that I am an idiot, still unable to accept defeat even though that is all there is for me to accept.

We only lose if we quit.

We lost, I quit. I'd LOVE to think we didn't quit, and we just dropped out but we got our stuff handed to us in a neatly wrapped package.

There is an enormous amount of power in numbers, and we can still change this country (and that is exactly what we're going to do!).

There is an enormous amount of power in numbers. For instance the number zero when refering to the number of states I finished first in has the enormous power to make me quit. You see, there's an even more enormous amount of power in larger numbers. Yeaaaarwhatever.

Many thanks,

Shutting up now,

Howard Dean

Howard Dean

See, isn't the truth* better? Now I feel better. Don't you?

Sidenote: I'm kinda sad Dean has quit, he was fun before his keepers put the leash on, or he went back to the factory or whatever.

_{* as I see it.}

Kerry-Polier 2004 - Revisited

Harvey of bad money has suggested (for reasons that best go unmentioned, nudge, nudge, wink, wink, this never happens to me, honest!) that we demand a '7 *second*' interval documentation of their lives instead of the seven minute version I mentioned recently.

I want to emphasize those are his asterisks, not mine. The quotation marks (') are mine but as to the asterisks, those are definitely Harvey's. With that issue settled, we now return back to topic.

Harvey,
We could ask for that (7 *second*s) right now but kind, friendly, naive Harvey, that would cut practically to the end of our accusations of deception and our fingerpointing fun.

You see, Following the Terry Mcauliff Scandal Handbook 2004 Release the plan is we get the 7 minute version, pretend to peruse it for a millisecond or two and THEN declare/demand, in order,
"Hey, what are you hiding here? There are 6 minute 59 second gaps between every entry."
"Where's the video coverage?"
"Why is there no independent confirmation of the 10:33am restroom entry of July 3rd, 1989?"
"Where are the botox treatment entries?"
"What is NOT in here says more than what IS in here!"
"What's BUSH Kerry covering up?"
"Fake medals!"
"Wink."
"NUDGE!!!"

Then we demand and get the one minute version and keep going and keep going until Kerry Bush is elected or some other more scandalous scandal is generated from all of this sewermongering.

Be patient, Harvey, we'll get the 7 *second* version, don't you worry. Don't you worry.

Kerry Complicit Concerning Communist Contribution Connection? NBC News Nut Nixes Notion Neatly

In what can only be termed AlliterationGate, an NBC producer reports in a MSNBC article that Chinese arms money was funneled through Kerry's Senate reelection campaign. Get this, Kerry is repeatedly defended in the article not surprisingly by the journalist reporting the story.
Case in point, first Kerry is characterized thusly

Senator John Kerry, D-MA, unwittingly tried to help a Chinese espionage agent and arms dealer in 1996

Yes, of course it was unwittingly that seems to be the emerging theme of his life.

[There is no evidence Kerry knew of the illegality.]

Ok, that's a relief, but too bad that's not a valid defense, lack of proof does not equate to proof of lack...WHOOPS...Sorry folks, I thought for a minute there we were talking about a Republican, Never mind. Innocence presumption resumed. Now, where was I?

Kerry could not have known, until Chung pleaded guilty and began talking to investigators in March, 1998, that the money he needed so desperately back then was tainted

Of course he couldn't have known, he's just really repeatedly easily duped and the money, hey, he needed the money.

Is this a quality we want in a commander in chief? Someone who believes everything he's told? Until he's told things are otherwise and cries foul? Then whines ' I was misled, MISLED'. Never mind you are not being lied to if the person speaking is speaking the truth as they know it.

A lie lies in the intent behind the words, not in the words themselves.

Ok that was a little serious, So let me end this by saying 'Commie Cong Kerry Keeps Corrupt Campaign Coin 'Cause Contributors Can't Contradict Currency Kookamonga Curry Chicken'

With AOLgate Seemingly Past, Choppergate Erupts

Today Democratic Presidential hopeful Sen. John Kerry attacked the president's disclosure in the AOLgate scandal, at a rally in Wisconsin where a primary is taking place today.
Kerry says "Bush misled us about who was in the AOL commercials. Bush previously has admitted he doesn't read the newspaper. Well, {chuckles} apparently he doesn't read the TV Guide either. "
{Kerry chuckles some more}
"He faux pased when he said those were cast members of something called 'West Coast Choppers',when the record clearly shows the Discovery Channel show is 'American Chopper'."

The show features the employees of the family-owned Orange County Choppers who build custom motorcycles.

Kerry continued, "I watch the show all the time and am a big fan. But Bush obviously doesn't know anything about American pop culture and Bush obviously doesn't know anything about choppers. I, for one, know all about choppers; because I flew in a great big green one when I was leaving Vietnam, with all my medals."

This fake news story brought to you by Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys. Remember friends, Cheese Eating Surrender Monkeys say 'No unilateral deployment!, No freedom for Oil! We preemptively surrender! Vote Kerry!*'
_{* No, don't really vote Kerry - ed. Thanks, Mike the Marine}

BUSH-AOL link confirmed

Under fire of most hurtful accusations to date, George W. Bush, this morning released his complete credit card records to the public domain. Examination of the records reveals a late December 2003 payment was made to an account linked to the accounts receivable department of the TimeWarner media conglomerate holding 'America Online', also known as AOL.

This afternoon, President Bush, in a prepared statement, admitted he had been connected to AOL in the past.
" I was drawn in by AOL's cool commercials involving the cast of West Coast Choppers. Watching those guys argue and build custom choppers is great fun. They are great Americans living the Great American Dream. Also the speed that was promised during those commercials was quite enticing. I had hoped to fast forward to November and hurry up and thrash any French looking treasonmongerin' opponent I might happen to face in the General Elections.
I canceled the AOL account when I realized it was slower to connect than a left leanin' media outlet connects to a French kissin' scandal. Ok, that was unfair, AOL WOULD connect in less than two days. Anyway, I'm goin' broadband. Pro'bly cable."

This reporter for one, is glad to put this ugly ugly,chapter behind us.

This fake news story brought to you by BIG Cable Internet. Remember friends, BIG Cable Internet says 'Dialup bites and AOL sucks'

Kerry-Polier 2004

Hey now, no fair, We all need to drop this 'Kerry/affair' story. We really need to just drop it.

And we will drop it as soon as Kerry and Polier account for every minute of every day of their lives so that we might be able to categorically know for CERTAIN that they were never left unsupervised together for more than say 7 minutes. That way we'll know nothing ever happened and there won't appear to be any sort of double standard.

She says:

"I have never had a relationship with Senator Kerry, and the rumors in the press are completely false."

and also

"I never interned or worked for John Kerry," she told AP over the phone.

Notice, how what she said was all in the past tense, 'Never had' and 'Never interned or worked'. I mean, great Scott Ott!, she completely forgot to deny it in the present time! This could be going on now!!!! NOW!!!

He could be slipping off to Kenya every night.

Plastic Turkey!

Go James Lileks!

The delusions of their fringe have become articles of faith for the mainstream. Bush was AWOL! Bush knew! Bush lied! Bush never flosses! Skull and Bones! Plastic turkey!

I...can't...breath,...too...freakin'...funny.....Plastic turkey!

Don't forget, Bush lowered taxes! No wait, that's one they want us to forget.

And their cries of 'Free Saddam Now! Free Saddam Now! FREE SADDAM NOW!' ring out from the hills to the sea don't they?

Happy Migraine Day

I spent the whole day in bed today dealing with a supersized headache.

Hope yours was better.

Update: I guess I did get that nap and even the face numbing! BUt I'm all better now thanks.

My Funny Bone is Broken

My funny bone is broken. Not only do I feel nothing I've tried to post this week is remotely funny (I've deleted at least 5 posts), I can't seem to find the humor in things I would normally find funny. For example, I watched Friends last night. I hardly even smiled through the whole thing. My lovely and adoring Karen, sitting beside me was laughing on and off during the whole show. Admittedly the show does seem to be trying to be more poignant and introspective during it's final season, but still, I'm thinking, Hey, I should be laughing at this stuff, What's wrong with me?.

That was when I realized my funny bone is broken.

I laughed just once today. One good long hard laugh today when talking to my boss. I said 'If things keep going the way they are going, I was going to turn into [the CEO of our corporation]'. He laughed. I thought he was laughing because he thought I meant I was about to stage a coup d`corp to become CEO of our corporation (HAH, I would laugh at that too, if I could laugh that is) I attempted to recover saying 'I mean, I am becoming [CEO'S Name]esque'. Which, come to think of it, is actually to say devoid of humor. Think Donald Trump, eating lemons.

My boss said 'I thought you meant when you are leaving today you were going to sit and wait till you saw [CEO] crossing the parking lot and then', pantomiming hands on a steering wheel, "Turn into him'

That I laughed at.

I can laugh at the thought of someone being ran over by a mid sized SUV but not at the Daybyday cartoon, not at Friends or my other usual humor inputs. How sick is that?

To make thing worse, my usually deep well of conversational witicisms is drier than Joe Lieberman reading a white paper on html, in hex.

When, I'm being spoken to, I just nod and agree, nod and agree, nod and agree or sometimes I shake my head, not to disagree mind you, just when it seems I need to shake my head based on the tone of the other person's voice. No fiery repartee or abrupt changing of subjects to something tangentially similar but only just barely so. Just nod or shake.

No. No, my wits are so dull it actually hurts to try to use them. My funny bone aches when I try to put any weight on it.

My energy, adrenaline, strength has outsourced to India. Gone. Even caffeine, dear sweet caffeine, doesn't fully wake me up I relegated the wisp of energy I get from caffeine to more mundane tasks of life. Such as keeping my heart beating, and my lungs filling and emptying. Anymore to ask of caffeine is too much.

I'll gonna get my funny bone put in a nice cast and then, then I'm going to take a stone cold, dead serious,face numbing nap. And while I nap, I'm going to try to dream of making monkey noises and relive the golden days when I laughed with and at others.

I'm going for that nap now, Wake me in November if you don't mind.

Update: Mike the Marine has diagnosed me with beal

My views/opinions/posts whatever.

The views expressed on this website/weblog are mine alone and do not necessarily reflect the views of my employer.

from here.

My views/opinions/posts whatever, are just that, mine They do not necessarily express the company policy of the company for which I work or the individuals to which I report. I might be wrong, I might be right, I might be crazy or I might just be mad. No warranties expressed or implied.

Monkey Hater breaks 1M hits

Upchuckle, transitive verb, ( '&p-ch&-k&l) To laugh quietly or to oneself till one throws up on oneself.

Frank J, at IMAO, one of my influences in my quest to make folks laugh if not puke for whichever reason, just broke 1,000,000 hits.

So what's the score here at the FSMC?

We...just...scraped...past...1K.

Frank J, is a riot. I should be so funny. Unfortunately he doesn't like monkeys.

Still Working Hard for the "Man"

.....

Work Deadline Looms.

No meaningful posts today.

Yes, just like every other day. Except with fewer words from me.

Kerry did what when he was commander of Swift Boat 44?!?!

Hmmmmm, this does not bode well for Kerry.

Ohio officially 38th state to ban .g.a.y. marriage

From CNN.com - Bob Taft, governor of Ohio, signs bill making state 38th to ban same sex marriage

Outstanding, I guess America's heartland still has some heart, after all.

Coffee: Creamer, Sweetener, Black or Not at all?

As I've said before, I like love require my morning/afternoon/evening coffee. I need at least 4 fillings of my two cup capacity travel mug to get my day started, never mind what it takes to be optimally functional, whatever that is.
If I haven't said it before, no, decaf. IS NOT, repeat NOT coffee, it's warm flavored artificially colored water for losers people who want to look like they're drinking real coffee.

How do I take my coffee? Thanks for asking. 2 Creamers, no Sugar. And I don't stir it, I add the creamer and let the coffee mix it as I pour it in on top. I'm lazy that way.

My query for you is this. Do you drink coffee and if so how do you like YOUR coffee? How many cups a day do you put away? And as long as we're on the subject, do you mind making a fresh pot I could really use a cup or 12. Hey, don't give me that attitude, I brewed the last one, its your turn.

Phase Of Matter

I must be a real old timer at the tender age of 33 because I can remember when we had 4 phases of matter: Vapor, Liquid Solid and Plasma. But the first three I mentioned are all you or I run into on a day to day basis. I guess you could say it's a good thing we don't run into plasmas, they're freakin' HOT (the Sun is a plasma)

Now they are coming fasting and furious, Added just recently are Bose-Einstein condensate, A Fermionic Condensate and A New, Supersolid, Phase Of Matter and these all exist under conditions approaching absolute zero.(glad I don't bump my knee on this stuff too).

OK, My math says 7, of course antimatter would double that and mirror matter(if it exists) would double it again.
That's a freaking lot of phases! So 28 kinds of matter. Makes me wonder, what does the future hold?

Bryan No longer Arguing with signposts

After 12 months, Bryan over at Arguing with signposts is arguing no more. At this writing there is no word on whether the signposts or Bryan won the yearlong verbal melee. We'll miss him.

FSMC - Europeans want to send humans to Mars - But Won`t

2/3/2004-- Europeans want to send humans to Mars but won't. The European Space Agency has announced they want to start a manned space program with the end result being humans on Mars. But they say "Don't hold us to that. Remember, we tried to send a lander there too and see how that turned out. There are a quite a few things we want to do with our space program but so far haven't been able to do. The lander was a failure at delivering functional hardware to the surface of Mars, but it was quite the success at delivering ESA functionaries the hard cash right here on the surface of Earth. However,we are certain that we hit it, in other words, the Beagle has crash-landed. "

"And we continue full faith and confidence we can deliver other "successes" like that in the near to long term future. And if we never hit a another space rock with our hardware...we are sure that...we fell confident in the utmost we CAN start the program. We CAN spend every Euro budgeted for the program and then some. We might even be able to build some nice looking hardware that we'll proudly put the ESA logo on and blow it up trying to put it in orbit. Optimistically, a few tries later we'll promptly smash one onto the surface of the moon and later, within say, five to ten years, if ever, later, we'll smash a similar model on mars. But put a living human being on the Moon or Mars? We wouldn't dare try that, really, I just don't see it. Seriously, let me see if I can name all the European Space explorers to go into orbit onboard ESA built space craft......hmm...yes.. no... he was onboard a shuttle......and then there was....no...he was on a Soyuz.....aha..yes...now I remember. Yep, nobody, zippo, nada. We want to really, really bad, but it seems we won't to just as badly. We think it is technically feasible to conduct a failed mission on the moon between 2020 and 2025 and then send a similarly fated mission to Mars between 2030 and 2035. Honestly though, we just couldn't let the American president Bush's unilateral Moon-Mars space speech go unanswered. We have a space program too. remember?' said Francko Nogo-nogo, project manager of the ESA’s fledgling Argh-Ruh-Roh space exploration program.

Fresh FSMC Fake News brought to you by...Unnamed Democratic Candidate. Remember friends Unnamed Democratic Candidate says "I have a remote chance at beating Bush this year. Named Democratic Candidate? Not so much. So vote Unnamed Democratic Candidate for President"

R Lee Ermey

Watching Mail Call on the History Channel and doing my part to not doom myself to repeating history. Heh, R. Lee, you just can't help but like this guy [WARNING: INTRO is R.L.E. giving you the D.I. treatment, loudly].. He's rough and rough and gruff. Moreso, he's old school in the way new school wishes they could be. The man really puts the hurt on the melons. Stupid, rotten, commie, melons.

NOW drop and give me 20!
Booo Yah!

Liar, Scaredy Yellow Pants

About 11 months ago we hear reports of Saddam tough talking like this.

"Saddam Hussein has in recent days spoken on television of his intention to die in Iraq and to die fighting if necessary."

Then a little over a month and a half ago we hear this load of, well, lets just call it a load.

"My name is Saddam Hussein,...I am the president of Iraq and I want to negotiate."

Negotiate? Negotiate? Why not "My name is Saddam Hussein,...I am the president of Iraq and you'll never take me ALIIIIVE!!!, Muh wahahaha!"

The rest of the story could have read like this: Then the 'tyrant without a country' came out the hole, appearing to have muscled up during his time underground. With guns blazing, sixpack rippling, and mouth screaming 'Eat lead American pig-dogs', did a few bullet time moves as bullets whizzed by, realized he wasn't Neo and was then riddled with heavy machine gun fire, light arms fire, some small stones and more than a few spitwads.

Still firing his matching chrome plated 'Saddam city' specials and spouting bright read Sunni blood from dozens of newly American-made orifices, a few of which had been neatly plugged by the smattering of spitwad fire, Saddam screamed prpheticly 'Come on, you sons of men who have no sons can do better than that!, This will be the mother of all death scenes!' At that a flurry of grenades are lobbed into the air over his head and detonate, causing the Ramboesque scene to end as violently as it began. With Saddam coalescing into Hussein stew and draining back into the spider hole. Later, smiling but visibly grossed out coalition forces used an ice cream scoop to retrieve his carcass.

NOOOO, instead we get this load...er...story,

Saddam was hiding in a polystyrene-covered underground hide-out near one of his former palaces in his hometown of Tikrit. He was dishevelled and wearing a thick beard, and though he was armed with a pistol, the man who waged and lost two wars against the United States and its allies did not resist or fire a shot.

So the tough talk was just talk.

Know what worse than being a big loser? Being a big lying scaredy yellow pants loser loser. That's right, I said loser twice and I don't care. This Saddam capture story is about as stale as bag of crackers left out open on the counter for a month and a half but I don't care about that either.

My Where I Have Been Map.

Thanks, black-5 for the link.

Am I a Southern boy or what?



create your own visited states map
or write about it on the open travel guide

Open Letter to Mydoom Author

MSNBC - Mydoom threat still high;Microsoft offers reward:

"In addition to attacking Microsoft and SCO, the new version also tries to block victims from reaching antivirus Web sites. It also blocks ads served by about a dozen advertising network sites, including Ad.Doubleclick.net and ads.Fastclick.net."

To the guy/gal who wrote the mydoom worm:
Your Mydoom worm has really caused a stir. I would offer you one teesy little suggestion. Make it block SPAM.

If you had made it block spam, _{whos like spam?}, instead of blocking the anti-virus sites, but kept blocking the popup ads, you probably could have sold it, instead of giving it away free and made big bundles of $$$$$$$$

Also it could keep people from going to bad scary evil web places that nobody really has any business going. Such as "howtokillamanwithtoast.com" , "eBay" or "DeanforAmerica.com".

Drop me an email and we'll work out the plan for marketing it! Hope to hear from you soon.
Sincerely,
SpaceMonkey

My View On Raising The Minimum Wage

When I was in college I was in a fraternity. Next door to the house was a bar that served lunch during the day. Some of us would meet there for lunch everyday. I always got the burger. They served a really great burger, one you could actually eat every day and not get tired of. We enjoyed eating there and it kind of felt Melrose Placish. We'd laugh and shoot pool and argue about the argument of the day. Then, while we were eating there one day, the owner told us he was not going to be able to serve lunch any more, the restaurant was effectively closing but the bar would operate at night..

'Why?' we all demanded.

Well he explained it all to us, He was having to let his cook go. The one that made the eat-every-day-able hamburger. He told us he couldn't afford to pay him anymore. The minimum wage increase had passed and was going into effect.
My friends and I were out our midday social gathering, I was denied my daily burger, and the cook, a smallish oriental man who spoke no English, but smiled almost constantly, was out of a job.

Raising the minimum wage doesn't make everybody whose making it earn more. Some folks make much less as a result. Some folks aren't affected anymore than having fewer cozy places to relate with the gang.
Some folks just make do with lesser burgers, I STILL miss that burger, the fries (chips for some of you and you know who you are) weren't bad either. I was robbed of a unique simple pleasure by that stupid minimum wage increase.

WWAFD? What Would Al Franken Do? or Violence is the answer.

When somebody is talking that you want to hear and then some body else is talking at the same time and you don't care to listen to them. What to do, what to do? Al Franken's answer? Sneak up behind and as nonviolently and in the most gentle and free speech protecting way you can bodyslam them. According to the NYPost article, he wasn't hurt, that is, Franken wasn't hurt. Strangely no word on the victim's/heckler's health status. Nor was there any mention of any Franken arrest for assault. Probably has a license to bodyslam or something similar.

UPDATE: Fake Quote of Stuart Smalley "I'm good enough, and I'm smart enough and doggonnit people like you need to shut up before I bodyslam you." - I crack myself up

The Oracle of Bacon at Virginia

According to The Oracle of Bacon at Virginia, I am 3 degrees from Kevin Bacon.
"The Oracle says: Steven Seagal has a Bacon number of 2.

Steven Seagal was in Marked for Death (1990) with Keith (I) David
Keith (I) David was in Novocaine (2001) with Kevin Bacon "

How am I three degrees from the Baconator you might ask? And ask you might. I was an extra in Under Seige with Steven Seagal, which was filmed here in town.

And 1 (me to Steven) + 2 (Steven to Kevin) = *3.

Where Am I? I was a sailor in the scene where the Chinook helicopter bringing the band/terrorists landed on the deck of the USS Missouri. I am kneeling then standing just to the other side of Gary Busey as he stands from kneeling to approach the chopper. You can just barely see my profile. No autographs, please.

What's YOUR Bacon number?


UPDATE: Thanks to Mike The Marine, who points out newly uncovered (and fomerly overlooked by me ) truths from the Oracle Of Bacon. Mainly he points out
"Tommy Lee Jones was in JFK (1991) with Kevin Bacon" which gives me a Bacon number of (drum roll) **2. I couldn't recall his (Tommy Lee Jones') name when I was conjuring the previous version of this steaming pile thought provoking and pithy post. By the way, Mr Jones is quite an imposing character in person. A glare from him sent me into a puddle in order to get my bony self out of his way, one day on the set.

UPDATE2: I'm 2 degrees from Algore as well. Since he was Mr Jones' roommate in college. Ewwww, I regret knowing this.
_{*in your FACE, 4 degrees of Kevin Bacon people.
**in my FACE, Me from earlier today and...in your FACE, 3 degrees of Kevin Bacon people.}

Miller's New Show Starts Tonight

My Way News:Dennis Miller to Give Bush a Free Pass

My favorite part of his new show?
"And a monkey."
"You read that right. Miller wanted a simian presence, believing a monkey occasionally scampering across the studio floor will keep both guests and viewers on their toes, he said."

Well, who wouldn't like a monkey around? Evolutionist's would likely consider the monkey a member of the family. Creationists would consider the monkey one of God's wonderful creatures. All the bases are covered. Briilliant.

I wonder if the Flying Space variety would be acceptable for the show. Hmmmmm, anybody know Mr. Miller's email?

Thanks to the Poliblogger for the the link

Syndicated

Ok, I've got an xml feed now. I hope you're happy. Shane.

Update: The xml url is on the Sidebar on the left, no, your other left. Thanks for pointing that out Dan.

Hey Moviemakers, Cut That CursingBleep Out.

Since DVD's usually have multiple sound tracks, usu. adding French or Spanish language dubs.
Why not have a PG-Rated language version on there too? That would be cool. Hey, for that matter, why not have a theatre release which is also the TV edit? They are going to do it anyway when it finally goes on TV, why not increase their potential ticket buying viewerbase? I don't know, seems logical to me. Guess I'm just ahead of my time.

Overtoasted? Maybe

If you think I am an overtoasted, toast talker talkin' about toast too much, look at this toasty post in the poliblog. Sheesh.

_{Really, I'm ONLY kidding. Toast is the meme of the future!! Toast, anyone?}

It's Alive?

Spirit Rover Sending Data Again, Status Unclear

The Spirit Rover finally woke up this morning, still a little groggy, ate a balanced breakfast of sunlight and dry, white toast during a quick interview with Mission Control and headed off to explore. NASA and JPL issued a statement indicating a case of Martian Rover/Lander Flu (MRLF) has been deemed to be the cause of yesterday's sleep-in. MRLF or "MeRLFFFF' as the slang goes around among those in the 'know' at Mission Control is also the suspected cause of death for the ESA's 'Beagle 2' Lander, being smaller, punier, and linked to cheese eating surrender monkeys who prefer croissants to toast.

Spirit was visibly upset during the breakfast interview at comparison of it's unintelligible gibberish quasicommunications with Howard "Coward Scream" Dean's similar unintelligible gibberish. Defending himself in fashion that merits his name, Spirit said "Hey, at least I was sick and fevered. You are gonna make silly psycho sounds when you feel all endless loopy in the CPU like I was yesterday, but I'm all better now, The other guy? He needs to add "the factory" to the list of places he's gonna go. His 'captain insano' emotion chip clearly needs replacing, the one he's using is toast, man.......Angry dry white toast." Then, obviously losing interest in the interview and rolling away Spirit exclaimed, 'OOOH, LOOK! A MARS ROCK, another pretty, pretty MARS ROCK. TOASTY"

Scientist Makes Claim that DEAN is actually a "PROBE FROM MARS"

Sutter's Mill USA - Respected Alienprobologist, Dr Xeno Milquetoast Dds, PhD, LGM. has made the announcement that DEAN is actually a "PROBE FROM MARS"
Milquetoast upon remembering how in The War of the Worlds the Martian attackers walked around killing humans everywhere with their heat rays, then all got sick and died because of earth bacteria, the idea struck him like a heat ray.

Milquetoast says that the Spirit Rover, possibly the Beagle II and other failed landers have all been affected by Martian microbes gumming up the works in a similar fashion. Milquetoast defines this term as when works get all gummy like when microbes get in them.

Milquetoast says "Missions to land on Mars have all fallen silent due to Martian microbe-caused gummy works. It's a plague. We've probing them, they are probing us back and I have the proof!''

"Deans incessant ranting, not quite human emotional response, expressions, and reaction and the otherworldly screech, desire for world domination are clear indicators that he's a alien presence in the form of an almost human like replicant, y'know like in Blade Runner, but without the expiration date, sort of War Of The World Martian Attack Thingy Mark II. Maybe he's not completely gummed up yet but his works are DEFINITELY getting gummier. Gummy to the point of psychotic episodes."

Milquetoast observes, "He makes little to no sense. Did you notice the similarity between his screech and the Mars Rover current unintelligible gibberish?"

Milquetoast adds in a serious tone, "Also note how he jabs his 'finger' out as though sampling the earth air with a probe-tool."
"Note also how he's always taking his coat off and rolling up his sleeves. Earth is a veritable oven compared to Mars, so of course he's gonna be taking off layers to keep his heat ray from overheating and killing the electorate, before he's ready for that phase of his plan, that is."
"Why do you think he keeps his records as Governor of Vermont sealed? The first line of his Governor's Journal probably reads 'I now am leader a land region the earth beings call 'Vermont', The earth beings are easy to trick but not so easy to emulate. After I overthrow their world power, the 'U.S.A.', they will be fun to toast with my heat ray. I do so miss the probe factory back on Mars where I was built. Got to go, works feeling gummy, yeeeeahrrg.'"

"Dean's a Martian probe, that's all there is to it. You've been warned, don't blame me when he heat rays all over New Hampshire or Connecticut or Texas or.....Well, you get the point."

This Fake News is brought to you by: Milquetoast Anti-Heat Ray Clothing. 'Remember, friends, You won't get toasted if you're wearing Milquetoast'

The Krauts had it wrong. We Don't Got Him After All

Reuters | Latest Financial News / Full News Coverage: "U.S. Official: No Truth to Rumor Bin Laden Captured "

Well that euphoria was a short lived ~18 minutes
*Sigh* Still, I think I scooped the blogiverse on the 'bin Laden captured' unfounded rumor meme..
SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

UPI: bin Laden captured???

Interest!ALERT: Quality Content: "Report: bin Laden held
BERLIN, Jan. 22 (UPI) -- Al-Qaida leader Osama bin Laden has been captured, Germany's Die Welt newspaper reported Thursday.

If this is true....heh heh WOW.

Update: Die Welt has this relevant looking breaking news item. "USA dementieren Gerücht über Festnahme Osama bin Ladens" but I dont read German and there nothing else there ,no link, no nothing, just a B&W graphic of an exclamation point.
SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

Dean's Plan For Dominating Zorhod 4 of the Trendax Cluster

I'm sure everyone heard Dr. Dean's rousing redfaced litany of states, nations, planets, globular clusters and extradimensional realms he will crush under his jackboots stylish loafers on his path to Supreme Dark Overlord of the Universe. Then he cleared his throat and coughed up 40 lbs of pure evil in the process.

Throat clearing and evil phlegm gurgling aside. Sounds like a well thought out and logical plan. I will sum it up if I may in a single word.

WIN!

With a fool-proof plan like that, he can't lose. It's utter genius! Only the Dr could come up with a plan like that.

One has to wonder though, why didn't he come up with that plan BEFORE the Iowa caucus. Ahh yes, the ways of the Dean are a mystery. But the news is great for all you Deanfans out there, since victory is assured, you can all sleep well in your biopods. Resistance is futile and pangalactic triumph is within your grasp. The trip down gumdrop lane has begun and won't end till the Dean finds the magic num num tree. Tralahlah lahlah treleelee leelee, wubba wubba.

Zoink.
SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

Dean Blames Third-Place Finish on Attacks

My Way News: Dean Blames Third-Place Finish on Attacks
"Dean blamed the loss on attacks he suffered as the one-time front-runner. His rivals pummeled him with criticism, saying he didn't have the foreign policy experience or temperament to lead the country."

It was attacks alright, just not the ones he's thinking.

Dude, where's my sense?

COURTTV.COM - PEOPLE - Man tosses marijuana into security tray while going through metal detector

After making bail and securing a fresh stash, he *allegedly was one of the 2 doofs who voted for Kucinich.
As he left the caucus, he was *allegedly quoted as saying 'Whoa, I could really go for some pie'

_{* I am so totally making this up}

RE: Gephardt

I wonder if the author of the miserable failure line feels like a victim of irony now.

I wonder.....

Unfortunately for the poor guy his name and the term will be joined in the memories of this generation moreso than the way he intended.

SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

Notice Anything?

Whew! Finished the new layout, been a long time coming. Once again, thanks are due to Shane.

SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

How was your weekend?

'How was your weekend?', a coworker asked as we fought the brisk wind to enter the office building in which we are both 'cubed'.

'O-kay' I said after a brief moments pause and stepped through the door.

'Uh-oh that doesn't sound good' he said as we continued down the hall.

'Why do you say that?' I replied.

'The way you said "okay" sounds like you had a bad weekend' he answered as he opened and stepped through the door to the IT cubopolis we both call 'work'.

Following him in, I offered 'Well, I didn't discover a transdimensional portal in my closet or anything this weekend and I didn't invent a NEW meat flavored beverage. I just had a normal quiet weekend'

Then over the cube wall we hear 'Oh brother, not again with the meat flavored beverages'

I chuckle inwardly. They hate it when I mention the meat flavored beverages. They'll see, they'll see.
Then I stopped chuckling.

SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

Working on a holiday

Boy, don't ya LOVE working on a day when most folks are off? Really, there they are all sleeping late, wearing pajamas all day and watching the soaps and I have the unrelenting pleasure of going to the office to work. BooYah! Nothing like it, I tell ya. Nothing at all. So if you are at home reading this in your jammies and bunny slippers, then I have this to say to you

"NEENER-NEENER-NEENER, YOU-had-to-STAY-home and-I-GOT-to-WER-erk. HAha-haHAha!"

I'm only laughing to keep from crying.
SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

Ever Wonder?

Ever wonder how the cheese got added to broccoli to make broccoli and cheese? I do. It's not that obvious an addition. By itself broccoli, well, sucks. But add cheese and it transforms into a veritible dessert among vegetable dishes. I never tried it when I was a kid, when I think about that I reall give myself a swft hard mental kick because of all the 'B&C' I cheated myself out of by not trying it.
SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

The Cluetrain, get aboard

Anybody who hasn't read this yet, where have you been?
I just read it myself, and come to think of it where have I been?

An Idea whose time has come, you should read the Cluetrain Manifesto
A parody whose time has come of an idea whose time.... oh just READ it already! The Gluetrain Mainfesto
SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

Thanks Shane

Thanks to Shane Blake over at Kudzu for resolving my blog rendering problem. He's a bright one that Shane.
SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

In the mail bag

Dear XXXX,

There is a big effort underway by supporters of homosexual marriage to keep President Bush from promoting a constitutional amendment defining marriage as being between one man and one woman.

Send your letter urging the President to support a federal marriage amendment.

Homosexual leaders have openly bragged about the influence they have with staff members at the White House. Senator Feingold of Wisconsin has publicly stated that he will lead the charge for homosexual marriage.

Senators and Congressmen willing to work for passage of a constitutional amendment tell us they are waiting on the President to act.

I urge you to let President Bush know you stand with him in opposing homosexual marriage. Please donÂ’t let those supporters of homosexual marriage in the White House be the only voice the President hears.

Send the letter of encouragement to the President now. Let him know you stand with him. It would send a powerful and encouraging note to the President to hear from millions of Americans. Please send your email now.

And be sure to forward this request to at least one friend.

Sincerely,

Don

Donald E. Wildmon, Founder and Chairman
American Family Association
P.S. Please forward this email to at least one friend.

I don't generally forward emails, and I don't intend to start now, I figure this is as close as I can allow. How this organization got my email is a mystery but they sure hit their target demographic here at the Flying Space Monkey Chronicles. I definitely support protecting the family as an institution. I am not afraid of gays, don't hate them or anything like that but I am afraid of wishing them Godspeed as would be the case of legalizing gay marriage. How strongly do I feel in this regard?

Well........how's this?

I can honestly say I would support the secession of the state I live in if gay marriage were be made legal. It wouldn't be the first time we'd seceded. But it think this time we could make it stick. I am definitely sending my letter to the pres. on this but I'm also seriously thinking about establishment of the Free State Of Alabama in event of the other. I will say more on this, just not now.
SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

Michael "Miserable Failure" Moore

I'm not sure we should google bomb Michael "Miserable Failure" Moore by putting Michael "Miserable Failure" Moore on our blogs and so forth, I mean his entire, huge body of work is obviously satire of satire. I mean c'mon, have you seen any of it? Surely nobody could in his right mind think the way his little 'entertainments' purport him to. I think, one "Miserable Failure" here is the general tendency to think people mean what they say.

"Michael Moore" needs everyone to give him a break.
I suggest we all complain to Mr. Beck about this.

SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

Sen. Harkin Endorses Dean Apparently Demonstrates Poor Judgment

FOXNews.com - Politics - Sen. Harkin Endorses Dean: "'This year, we have an exceptionally strong field of candidates. Each one is a talented, well-qualified Democrat who would be a vast improvement over the current occupant of the White House." Does Harken not know that neither Wesley Clark nor Al Sharpton have ever held an elected office." I like and respect each one of them,' Harkin said to cheers at Dean's headquarters in Des Moines." Does Harken not know that Al Sharpton has spent time in Jail.
"The backing of Harkin, who ran for president in 1992 but lost in the primaries to Bill Clinton, comes as Dean confronts a barrage of criticism." So Harkin was beaten by Clinton in 1992. Gore was defeated by Bush in 2000. Bradley, in turn, was struck down by Gore in 2000. Dean's GOT to be happy with that many "winners" endorsing him.
SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

Nothing from the Arabs?

In response to this story on the BBC
Mr Free Market over in the UK had this to say regarding this Brit,Robert Kilroy-Silk , being fired for writing an article titled "We Owe the Arabs Nothing".
An English Man over in his UK castle had this to say in Mr Kilroy-Silk's defense as well.

I agree the guy shouldn't have been fired for what he said, and what he said mainly was can anyone think of any contribution to humanity the Arabs have made? He couldn't but I did or think I did anyway. I took a quick run through my memory banks and came up with a few thoughts.

What about um...Algebra? I am pretty sure about that one.

Arabic numerals? I know they invented that one also.

Lawrence of Arabia? Ok they didn't give us him but somebody(not Arabs I think) made a pretty cool movie about him anyway,

Arabian Horses? Well at least they are named after the region.

Civilization? At least it was supposedly started in that Area.

I know it been a while since they came up with the ones they did come up with but we are still using some of them.
It's more than nothing. A fair bit more. But no reason to can someone for disagreeing with me on this or the Arabs.

UPDATE: Mr Kilroy-Silk wasn't speaking of historical contribution. He was actually asking what current contribution do they make? Other than a few good blogs, well, Ok he's got me there.

SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

To the Moon Alice, and This Time to Stay.

FOXNews.com - Politics - Bush to Announce New Missions to Moon, Mars

People have been on the moon during my lifetime, I am happy to say, but you know what? I only didn't know it at the time being in diapers and all. But I always felt sorta cheated that it didn't happen again after I started talking, going potty, and forming permanent memories as well as forming permanent memories about talking about going potty.

If we go back in the next 10 years, I will be one ecstatic monkey let me tell you. space monkey that is. I am pretty thrilled just knowing it's being seriously considered. Because we need know people are talking about giving our kids a ride to go potty up there. And what a permanent memory that will be.

Arrrrrgggghhhhh!!

I posted a bunch of, trust me on this one, great comments (y'know, I alllll-most made that a capital G great but they really weren't THAT great) on other blogs about that obvious satire piece, the S factor. And then was going to link to them here on the monkey. And show you, gentle reader, my acerbic wit and wow you with my wonderful witterly wittastic witwomping.

And then, like a middle earth army of the dead, the PHB walks by, I suavely, coolly and immediately go into utter, complete, panic mode and do a quick close all on all my precious, precious explorer instances and my precious comments go into the ether. The blood in my ears thundered like a herd of mustangs.

Here it is hours later, I've been looking, looking, looking and looking and haven't found a single bleeping blog I commented on regarding that load of tripe and now I'm sitting here fuming and yes, wondering what tripe tastes like and fuming some more and this load of tripe is all I can come up with.

Thanks for coming by anyway, both of you.

SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

Hmmm maybe a catchy verbal description of a pie chart would have been better - Satire Alert

Newsday.com: Kucinich 'Shows' Pie Chart on Radio Debate

Answering his critics, Kucinich said he will display the pie chart on his refrigerator at home so any who missed it on NPR will have ample opportunity to examine at their leisure.

Kucinich has further asked that when his campaign commercials are aired, for anyone who might be watching to cover up if they happen to be dressing or are undressed when the commercials air. He said that people on TV watching him in the privacy of his own home has always gave him the 'heeby jeebies' and he wants to take steps to avoid a scandal involving any suggestion he's watching anyone inappropriately. Kucinich then challenged the ACLU to looked into this violation of privacy. Further he vowed to 'work the system from the inside' if he's elected in 2004.

Other bright ideas include a program to encourage the dead to vote more. Registration drives which are taking place in cemeteries throughout Iowa and New Hampshire, in an ongoing under-the-grassroots movement. Kucinich said 'Turnout to the events has been lower than I'd expected. Considering the fact that voter turnout among of the dead is only significant in states of Illinois and Louisiana and practically nonexistant everywhere else, if we can get just one, just one of the deceased to vote in the upcoming primary, that wouldn't have otherwise, I will consider the effort to have been effective.'

Disclaimer: The content of this post should in no way be construed as factual. Unless the scenes, conversations and events I am depicting in satirical work have actually occured and I didn't know it. If that turns out to be the case then, you read it here first.

Things I've discovered

If you claim you bought a lottery ticket and then lost it, you can sue the lottery commission to withhold the money from the legal owner when they come forward to claim it.

If you are five foot eight inches tall and you get former New York Knicks Players/former New Jersey Senators to endorse your presidential candidacy, you stand beside them for the briefest,tiniest period of time possible, they will still stoop down to show how much shorter you are.

SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

Good news lefties

The American Civil Liberties Union of Pennsylvania is hiring!

I was afraid to click to find out what exactly a "Legal Intake" is.

SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!! Faaarrrr away from that one.

!

!,?.'-:;/

Strange, how limited our punctuation is.
Strange, how little there seems to me to say about that.

SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

Ignorance Abated

My impatience finally overcame my laziness, as a result I overcame my ignorance by finally looking the whole syndication thing up. I understand how, I've seen it done, I just don't understand completely why.
SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

Showing my ignorance

Like you (probably) I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis.

I have noticed something on a lot of blogs
Your blog (probably) has something like this on it.

Syndicate this site (XML)

this is usu. linked to a file with an .rdf extension.

I know I could (probably) look this up some where on a blog about blogging and get the answer But I'll let you have YOUR say as to what this means and if you know of any site that is syndicated (whatever that means) I'm in the dark on this one. BTW I do know what xml is.

SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

Dean Update

Dean touts a 'Jesus strategy' - The Washington Times: Nation/Politics

Dean has announced he plans to mention God and Jesus when he tours the south.

I wonder, why make such an announcement? Does he really think we Southerners are such yokels that we can't read between the lines of announcements like 'Dean has announced he plans to mention God and Jesus when he tours the south' and see Dean has announced he thinks Southerners are stupid and will follow blindly if someone pays lipservice to God and Jesus when he tours the south..
When he plans to tour Utah will he announce he is a follower of Joseph Smith?
When he speaks to an atheists club will he announce he thinks all religion is a bunch of hooey but wink, wink, nudge, nudge he's got them religious Christian Southern morons roped in, just play along?

Time will tell, But announcing to the effect of 'Hey, Southerners like that God and Jesus stuff, I'm gonna spread that and I think they'll fall for it', is foolishness on a grand scale.

What do you think?

SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

Hoppy Gnu Ear!!!!

2004

Hope you and yours have a safe and prosperous new year. And a big cheery THANK YOU to the police and armed forces that saw to it no terror attacks took place overnight. As well as all the city state and federal officals who lost no telling how much sleep planning security for the night's celebratory events. It was a good job all around and the best news was no news.
SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

Gem

"Tell me and I forget, teach me, and I may remember, involve me and I learn." -- Benjamin Franklin

There's something to that.

SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

DNS woes

Can't see my own blog because some DNS goofup according to blogger. More reason to get my own domain I guess.

SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

Last Day

Today is the last day of the year in the gregorian calender. We call it new year's eve almost as though it were nothing without the day that follows it.

Not true.

This is a day for looking back as well as forward.

People in many places look at the year as a whole and decide what was the best,worst, biggest, most money making, top 1, top 10, top 100 song, movie, tv show, news story or whatever.
Many of us spen the day thinking about new years resolutions that statistically we won't keep more than a few weeks, if at all.
Many of us will spend the last few hours in a party where the countdown will be cheered and we'lll kiss our honeys'

Consider this, though. This IS the last day of the year.
For many it wil be the last day of their lives.
It may be you, It may be me, It may be all of us.
When you take your look back consider this, Is your heart right with God?
Give your self something to look forward to whether there's a tomorrow or not and reconcile with God this last day.

Review....sorta

You know, seem like theres nothing to blog about when I'm off work, so I'll blog about that.
Nahh...

Went to the movies today and saw Lord of the Rings: Return of the King
AWWWESOME! A fantastic finale to the series.
My oldest little monkey went with me. She said she liked it when they were between battles.
Which meant she didn't like it much, considering how battlefilled it was.

My Other Two little monkeys went with Mrs Monkey to see 'Cheaper By The Dozen',
the new Steve Martin Flick and they all loved it. Couldn't stop talking about it.
I like Steve Martin,he was great in the Jerk, Roxanne, Three Amigos, LA Story,
Father of the Bride, and others. But hey it was one of my few chances to see
a movie I want to see, and I've wanted to see it since I saw Two Towers with
my cousin Chuck before he shipped off to Germany. Also the reviews of 'cheaper'
said it was Stinker and Bobo, I opted for my movie of choice.

Quit looking at me like that. I really thought my ten year old daughter would like it too.
Really. I did.
Anyway I promised her I 'd take her to Peter Pan to make up for it.

SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

And all through the house

Christmas night nothing was stirring except my Mrs Space Monkey and
I taking down the ornaments, tree, lights, garland, stockings, Santa
snowglobe and everything else remotely Christmassy. You see, she
was raised in a family that put everything up thanksgiving night and
then took everything down Christmas night. Believe it or not her step
mom took everything down Christmas Eve after the family meal
and gift exchange. My family? We always left it all out till New Years day.

Just seems like Christmas longer to me

Well, at least the wreaths are still on the doors. Until she remembers them, that is.

SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

Merry Christmas

Just got back from holiday at my parent's house out of town.
I hope this holiday season finds you all warm, loved and secure.
Lots of things can be said about the holiday season.
Some might say it makes them feel left out or unincluded. To them I say join in and be included.
Some might say it's gotten too commercial. To them I say show me something that's not.
Some might say it Jesus' birthday. To them I say show me book chapter and verse.
I also say it's a good thing to commemorate His birth even if we don't know what day it happened. It DID happen and we should remember that.
I also say its a good thing to enjoy family and spend time together with the ones who raised you and you grew up with as well as the ones you are raising.
I say have a great Christmas, hug your mom and your dad and,brother, sisters, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins and of course your kids.
And while your hugging them, tell them all how much you love 'em.
Tell them because you never know, you might be missing them next year,
or they might be missing YOU.

I say HO HO HO, Merry Christmas.
What do you say?

SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

Wizard!

The scaredest I ever remember being as a kid was watching the Wizard of OZ, when the wicked witch sent her flying monkeys after Dorothy. Those dark beasts with their batlike wings and their fangs scared the living boogaloo out of me.



I wonder how many kids these days are scared by the Wiz with Wacko Jacko in it?

SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

Suggestion Request

I am considering getting my 3 little space monkeys a nintendo gamecube for Christmas (I can almost hear the offended cringe at the phrase). I like the fact that some come with a couple of games, ie StarWard clone wars and tetris worlds. They already have two gameboy advance's that I hear hope make decent controllers for the 'cube. Anybody got any experience with such a setup?

SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

Spirit of the Season?

Well, it's that time again, Office Christmas Party time. I'm sure your getting ready for yours if your haven't had it already. We had ours this past weekend at a really nice hotel by the bay. The served a nice meal buffet style and had a open (read free) bar from 6 till 10. The people at the table my wife and I sat at had taken liberal advantage of the free flowing alcohol and were feeling very, humorous, at least they thought so. Somehow things are just funnier when you shout them when you have a lot of devil water in you.

I guess.

At least that's what they all (more or less) seemed to think. Well, we ate our meal quickly, said my meet and greets to the boss and his boss and headed to our room. I thought I'd left the "party" at the party but it's now Tuesday full 3 days later and I'm still hearing lots of conversation how much they 'partied'

So many talking about how much they drank,
Asking others how much THEY drank,
asking if they remember much,
how drunk they got,
what they drank,
who gave them something FREE to drink after the open bar went to cash, (wasn't that nice?)
where in the hotel they drank,
how drunk their date/spouse/supervisor got,
what they prefer to drink,
what they prefer NOT to drink,
how silly so-and-so acted when they were drunk.

Ah yes even though they may be sober at the moment they still look at that evening with their beer goggles on.
I marvel at how immature these 'adults' behaved that night as well as how immature their conversation is now. I know I sound a jerk on my moral high horse, but c'mon, this isn't college and that wasn't a frat party. If you can't have self control when there's alcohol around can't you at least NOT act like imbibing to the point of drunkenness is a major life accomplishment?

SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

We got him

I am almost sorry they didn't just plug the vent and smoke him out.

SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

Wahh Wahh Wahh.

FOXNews.com - Politics - Bush Defends Iraq Reconstruction Policy
What do you mean just because France, Germany, Canada and the gang tried everything short of military force (now wouldn't that have been ironic?) to prevent the liberation of Iraq they aren't gonna get any moolah to rebuild Iraq?

England? Absolutely.
Italy, Si!
Australia, oh yeah.
Spain? Sure.
Poland? Uh huh, no problem there.
Japan? Yep.
And a few more as well.
But those other clowns? NO WAY.

Freezing them out is just the way it should be.

I've had a brainstorm. These are US contracts paid in US dollars out of the US treasury and WE say who gets them. Your briliant flying space monkey has thought of a fair thing to do.
We let the crybabies (french, germans, etc) FUND whatever they want and let them decide whoever they want to get the contract? Sound good? Oh yeah, they'll need to provide their own security, too. No sense risking coalition boys and girls lives protecting them.

I wonder if that would fly...

But c'mon, If you try to keep me out of the kitchen don't show up expecting free supper when I'm done cooking.

SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

G M & O

The Gulf Mobile and Ohio Railroad Headquarters Building.
This beautiful building, recently restored, catches my eye every day on the way to and from work.

SpaceMonkey AWAAAAAAY!!!!

Scene on the way
Thought this looked pretty.

I know I've been the king of the short and/or infrequent and/or photoless post but I'm changing that.
So from now on it will Long and/or Photoful (is that a word) and hopefully more frequent.

Battlestar Galactica
It wasn't what I expected, and as Mrs Stewart would say 'that's a good thing.' It was not campy, it was not a sequel, and had none of the original players but it did show homage to the first series in a way. The good ship Galactica has been put on display as a touring museum of sorts. A tour guide is over heard saying the ship was a relic of the first Cylon war and had rudimentary technology even though more advanced tech was available when it was built. In his words, 'it has a computer that barely deserves the title'. The are several old vipers on display but after the battle gets under way they can't launch them easily because the nearest launch bay has been turned into a gift shop. Oh, it still has a crew of the colonial fleet and a small modern viper force, and its still commanded by Commander Adama, though he's harder, darker and more flawed than Lorne Greene's version of him. Apollo is there too but it his callsign not his name, his real name is Lee Adama. Starbuck is there too but its HER callsign not HER name. Yeah Starbuck is a woman, how about that? The events of the series start as the the battlestar is on the eve of its decommissioning. It was for the twelve colonies what 9/11 would have been for the US, if Al Qaida had high tech, A sneak attack with nukes , no less. I like that this new miniseries showed why the battlestar was on the run in the first place. I don't think they showed that on the original series. I won't give anymore away. Sci fi channel showed it twice last night and it watched it both times. I look forward to tonight's installment.
Oh yeah, one more thing, unlike the Cylons of yore, the new Cylons are really, really sneaky and really, really good shots.

Tooth update
This says it all

On the miserable failure train?
Ok,I'll admit I'm a little behind in my politics but this is interesting and not at all insignifigant.

Other Blogly Experience
Wrote a little piece for the Kudzu. Check it out here.

GWB, A Miserable failure?
NO, Bill Clinton was a miserable failure. Al Gore was a miserable failure.
George W. Bush is a LEADER.

Tooth Update
The tooth is hanging in there, the 'grownup' tooth is starting to come in behind it and I thinking about getting her to pull it. And video it of course.
She won the two-fer tuesday contest

Tooth Update

Believe it or not the tooth is still loose, verrry loose.
You can see my sweet girl on today's two-fer tuesday on the Kudzu.

11 Years and Counting

Another wonderful year with my wonderful wife has come and gone. I love the life we have made together and the future that stands before us. I love the children we have made together. I love that we are both committed to raising them in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. I look forward to growing old with her and sitting on the front porch with her watching our grandchildren play in the yard. These are just dreams but she makes mine come true. I love Karen, all the much in the world.

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving
After some consideration, I've realized I should be thankful for not only the things I have, but for the things I don't have that I wouldn't be able to handle. For instance, great wealth on scale of Bill Gates. I'd like to think I could handle it but likely it would only bring excess and more problems than I'd care to imagine, I don't mean this in a 'Sour Grapes' way, really, I don't think. Or maybe I do. I know there's the fantasy about If I were rich I'd do all this good for people like the poor and the sick and the sad and lonely, but what do I do for them now? Well,other than giving at church and giving the occasional person whose car is kaput and on the side of the road a lift or a push? On some level I know I'm rich relative to the rest of the population of the globe. But when I look around I don't look that rich compared to my neighbors. Maybe I need to travel to a third world nation to get some perspective on how rich I truly am. I do know that since I have a job, food, shelter and a loving family, I have more than many. I also have problems that I can deal with and I don't have any that I can't. I'm thankful for that.

Tooth update

The tooth is still loose, but the daughter is getting uptight about the tooth.

Blogroll me baby

I'm a blogrolling now.

Don't you hate it when...

Don't you hate it when you go to your favorite blog and find it hasn't been updated since you read it last?
Don't you hate it when you realize the reason its not been updated is its YOUR blog and YOU haven't posted anything lately?
Well I do, and I did, so I did. Not that I'm all excited about it or anything. Slow news days.

THIS JUST IN.....
My middle girl has a loose tooth, her first loose tooth. more as the story develops.

Freaky

Think the British all hate us and/or Bush?

Think again. And this guy knows his stuff.

Ah.... Stress and Stress Management.
revised to protect my employment

Management: You are a hard working employee!
Me: You are a very effective manager!
Management: You may keep your job!
Me: Yes...{smile}.... yes I may!

Finally
A difinitive answer to the age old question. And yes, they do tackle the whole African vs European controversy as well.
Estimating the Airspeed Velocity of an Unladen Swallow

Vodka Drinking Contest Winner Loser

News from Russia, The winner of a vodka drinking contest dies. Read about it here.
Maybe next year the first three to die of alcohol poisioning will receive a free burial in an absolut bottle shaped coffin.

Good morning

Helped the wife move her classroom to their new building last night. Well, not the room itself but the stuff, the heavy stuff. Not a whole lot of it but it was plenty.

Unintentional Theme Alert

I didn't mean to get on an 80's kick but...... Ahh, hats off to LAUNCHcast and their Awesome 80's channel, I now have music source that I love cuz its free and It's the music I grew up with. LAUNCHcast is a site that keeps me in them tunes I love and keeps the $ in my pocket. Plus you can rate the music your like or hate. Now I'll NEVER hear another Madonna song again at least while I listen to launch. Let the good times roll. [a song I listened to on launch just the other day].

I love the 80's



That was a fun quiz. scored a totally awesome 92 points. duuuude

Belated Happy 29th birthday

Hope you had a great one Steve.

Ode to Coffee

Wonderful beans of flavor, the boost you always bring
You help us wake to meet the day that is why we sing
When antisocial behaviors we need to suppress
We turn to your warm, dark caffeinated caress
When our heads are a cracking from missing you a lot
We know to see you once more we must merely brew a pot
We drink you with pastries, doughnuts, eclairs and such
We can walk again with you, our friend ,as you are our dear crutch
We love your aroma, your froth, your hue.
Doggoneit coffee, we, love, you.

Lunar Eclipse Tonight

Nice show, hope everyone saw it. I watched in the backyard with my ten year old daughter. She loves everything spacy. She wants to be an astonaut one day. That was a dream of mine too at one time. Maybe hers will come true. Mine still could, I guess, but I don't have 20 million to pony up to the Ruskies for a Soyuz seat.

Another work week gone!

Alright. Good job everyone. Thanks for the hard work.
At least it was payday.

Hey now, I got comments, Now can I hear a wahoo? .... wahoo! That's right.... wah hoo.

After 1 and a half days counting crap inventory, I'm back at my wonderful desk.

OK I do have cute pics of my girls in halloween garb, but the (free) pic posting thing still eludes me.